10 Reasons Houseplants Make Better Roommates Than Humans

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Let’s be honest—humans make terrible roommates. They steal your leftovers, leave passive-aggressive notes, and somehow never learn how to replace a toilet roll. Meanwhile, your houseplants? Quiet. Clean. Chill. They’ve never once asked if the Wi-Fi is down or cried at 2am over someone named Kyle.

I’ve lived with both. I’ve had flatmates who’ve flooded the kitchen with dishwater, thrown parties on a Tuesday, and “borrowed” my shampoo like it was community property. But my fiddle-leaf fig? Never caused drama once. That plant’s been through three breakups, a lockdown, and a failed sourdough phase—and not a single complaint.

So if you’re wondering whether to renew the lease with your bestie or just fill your house with monsteras and succulents… let me help you decide.

Here are 10 reasons why houseplants make better roommates than actual humans.

1. They Don’t Judge Your Life Choices

You could eat cereal for dinner five nights in a row. You could sing Taylor Swift into a hairbrush wearing nothing but socks. Your plant won’t blink. It won’t say, “Are you really texting them again?” or suggest you try pilates. Houseplants are the Switzerland of the roommate world—neutral, calm, and blissfully uninterested in your chaos.

2. They Don’t Leave Dishes in the Sink

You know who’s never left a mug full of crusty Milo under the bed? Your aloe vera. You’ll never walk into the kitchen to discover a horror movie scene of dirty plates and half-eaten lasagne because your cactus decided to “soak it for later.” Houseplants are the poster children of cleanliness. Their mess? Contained to a small pot of soil. Iconic.

3. They Don’t Steal Your Snacks

Let’s talk about trust. Human roommates will eye your fridge like a buffet. Suddenly, your vegan chocolate mousse has “mysteriously disappeared,” and no one knows anything. But your Boston fern? That leafed beauty would never. It thrives on light, not lasagne. It has no interest in your oat milk. Respect.

4. They Don’t Have Loud Phone Calls at Midnight

No speakerphone arguments. No 45-minute updates on Janine’s engagement ring. No voice notes played at full volume while you’re trying to sleep. Houseplants don’t talk. They don’t even rustle unless there’s wind. Silence is their love language. And in a world full of noisy humans, that’s gold.

5. They Make You Feel Like a Responsible Adult

Watering your plants, rotating them, wiping the leaves—it gives the illusion that you have your life together. You could be jobless, emotionally unstable, and wearing the same track pants since Tuesday, but if your peace lily is thriving, so are you. Try getting that validation from a human who just broke the vacuum.

6. They Improve the Air (Not Pollute It)

Humans breathe out carbon dioxide, sweat through gym socks, and microwave tuna. Plants? They give you oxygen. They literally purify your air. They don’t light incense to cover up the smell of expired yoghurt or burn popcorn at 2am. They’re green little angels with a side hustle in respiratory health.

7. They Don’t Ghost You After Rent Is Due

A plant will never block your number, disappear with unpaid bills, or move out without cleaning their part of the cupboard. They’re rooted in the relationship—literally. They won’t flake. They won’t bail. They’re in this pot with you, come sun or shade.

8. They Respect Boundaries

You want space? Done. You don’t want to talk? Perfect. You’re having a mental breakdown on the floor? They’ll vibe next to you in serene, photosynthetic solidarity. Houseplants never push. They don’t ask, “Are you okay?” ten times in a row. They exist peacefully. What a concept.

9. They Look Amazing Without Hogging the Bathroom

Your snake plant is effortlessly stylish 24/7. No 45-minute steam showers. No hair in the drain. No arguments about who used the last of the conditioner. And yet, every time someone visits, they say, “Oh wow, what a lovely plant!” Has anyone ever said that about your roommate Kevin?

10. They Don’t Bring Home Strangers (or Their Energy)

You won’t wake up to an unfamiliar voice in the kitchen saying, “Hey, do you have almond milk?” Houseplants don’t have situationships. They don’t invite drama into the flat. They’re not on dating apps. The only thing they bring home is peace, aesthetics, and possibly a few fungus gnats—but at least they don’t steal your hoodie.

Final Thoughts

Look, humans have their place. They’re good for hugs, Netflix debates, and late-night Uber Eats decisions. But when it comes to being a peaceful, low-maintenance, supportive presence in your home—houseplants win. They don’t judge, don’t nag, don’t steal your snacks, and best of all, they just want a little water and sunshine to thrive.

So if you’re tired of arguing over the electricity bill or begging someone to take out the bin—maybe it’s time to adopt a monstera and call it a day. Trust me, it won’t talk back. It’ll just sit there, quietly making you look more put-together than you actually are. That’s love.