The Real Reason Dinosaurs Went Extinct (Hint: It Involves TikTok)
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We’ve been told for years that dinosaurs went extinct because of a giant asteroid. A cosmic cataclysm. A “whoopsie” from the universe. But what if I told you that’s all a cover-up?
That the real reason dinosaurs vanished wasn’t flaming debris from space—but something far more insidious: TikTok.
Yes. TikTok. The app. The one where people lip-sync badly, dance in pyjamas, and somehow become millionaires by pointing at floating text. It existed back then. Not as an app, obviously—but as a cultural virus. A prehistoric phenomenon sweeping through the Jurassic like an attention-starved plague.
Here’s what really happened to the dinosaurs.
1. The Rise of Dinofluencers
At first, it was cute. The Pterodactyls were posting aerial shots of sunsets with captions like “Wings & things 🦖✨”. Stegosauruses were showing off their tail spikes with hashtags like #SpineGameStrong. Even the Triceratops got in on the action with skincare tutorials involving mud and meteor dust.
Tyrannosaurus Rex, though? Instant celebrity. Despite having arms too short to hold a phone, T-Rex had a personality that popped. His “Tiny Arm Workouts” series was a hit. His scream-laugh duet with a Velociraptor went viral overnight.
He had merch. Sponsorships. Brand deals with primitive coconut water companies. He even got cancelled once for calling a herbivore “leafy”—but bounced back with an apology video filmed beside a lava lake.
2. The Dance Challenge That Went Too Far
It always starts with a dance.
The “Extinction Shuffle” was created by a teenage Ankylosaurus who thought it would be funny to do a death roll near an active volcano. It caught on. Soon, dinosaurs everywhere were filming themselves twirling, stomping, and swinging tails to a beat no one could hear but everyone pretended to love.
Then came the collabs. Carnivores and herbivores. Flyers and runners. Even the elusive Spinosaurus emerged to hit the final move—falling dramatically into a tar pit.
The views were astronomical. So were the injuries.
Natural selection? More like natural choreography. Darwin would’ve downloaded the app just to write another chapter.
3. The Meteor Was Just a Distraction
Yes, a meteor did hit. But it wasn’t the end. It was just… trending.
When early seismographs started showing unusual activity, DinoTikTok lit up with hashtags like #SkyRock2023BC and #ImpactVibes. Everyone wanted a piece of it. Some started filming countdowns to “The Big Boom.” Others made conspiracy theories claiming the meteor was staged by the Mammals to boost their engagement.
One influencer claimed she could “manifest the meteor away” by using a salt circle and positive tail slaps. It didn’t work. But her video got 7 million views and a deal with NestFlicks.
4. Herbivores Turned to ASMR
With all the noise, some dinosaurs tried to bring balance. Enter the gentle giants—Brachiosaurus, Diplodocus, and friends—who turned to ASMR content.
Videos included:
- “Chewing Ferns for Sleep”
- “Tail Whips in a Rainstorm”
- “Tranquil Tree-Rubbing with Ambient Lava Flow”
Unfortunately, their soothing whispers were no match for the screeching duet challenges and fire-eating contests. They were drowned out. Cancelled for being “boring.” Forgotten by the algorithm.
5. The Algorithm Favoured Chaos
Just like now, the prehistoric algorithm didn’t care for nuance or logic. It boosted rage rants, volcanic reaction videos, and pterosaurs flying headfirst into cliffs for “clout.”
The Parasaurolophus tried to launch a thoughtful series on self-reflection and gratitude. It got one like—from a Brontosaurus who thought it was a recipe video.
T-Rex staged a fake breakup for engagement. It worked. Until his ex, a very bitter Ceratosaurus, released a 3-part “Receipts & Roars” exposé. Drama ensued. Comments were brutal. The fandom split into Team Rex and Team Cera. Neither survived.
6. The Dangerous DIY Era
Soon, the DIY trends turned deadly.
- DIY Meteor Repellant (spoiler: it was just mud)
- Lava-Sliding Challenges
- “How to Clone Yourself Using Amber”
- Tail Curling with Fire Techniques
One poor Iguanodon tried to deep-fry a scorpion for a snack hack. It exploded. His eyebrows never recovered. Some say they’re still trending under #NoBrowNovemberBC.
7. Cancel Culture Went Prehistoric
DinoCancelCulture was brutal.
The Stegosaurus got cancelled for gatekeeping tail fashion. The Velociraptor was “problematic” for hunting too enthusiastically. Even the Archaeopteryx was called out for “faking flight privilege” despite being barely airborne.
There were apology scrolls. Teary livestreams. Statement carvings on cliff walls. It was chaos. But also excellent content.
8. The Mammals Took Over the Comments Section
Small, furry, and bitterly sarcastic, early mammals began trolling the dinosaurs with comments like:
- “Imagine having scales in this climate.”
- “OK but you’re literally extinct.”
- “Big lizards with no chill.”
At first, dinosaurs ignored it. But as their views dropped and the algorithm began favouring videos like “Cute Shrew ASMR” and “Why Fur is the Future,” panic set in.
Suddenly, the mammals had the mic—and they used it. The age of the dinosaurs was ending, not with a bang, but with a comment thread.
9. The Final Viral Video
The very last viral video of the dinosaur age? A duet.
A Triceratops in a feather boa doing a cover of “Don’t Go Extinct on Me” while a Meteor hurtled towards the Earth in the background. You can still find echoes of it in the geological strata. Scientists call it the Layer of Digital Cringe.
10. And Just Like That, They Were Gone
The combination of algorithmic burnout, dangerous trends, and volcanic lighting made extinction not only inevitable—but aesthetic. The final generation of dinosaurs went out not with dignity, but with ring lights and merch drops.
A few tried to adapt. One Velociraptor opened a podcast. A Plesiosaur started a floatation tank wellness centre. But the platform had moved on.
The mammals won. With smaller egos, quicker upload speeds, and opposable thumbs.
And TikTok? It lay dormant… waiting… until humans were ready to repeat history.
Final Thoughts
So no, it wasn’t just a rock from space. The dinosaurs were cancelled. Consumed by trends. Destroyed by dance challenges and comments like “lol u mid.” They danced too close to the volcano, figuratively and literally.
And now, we do the same. One thirst trap at a time.
So next time someone tells you TikTok is harmless, remember: it killed the dinosaurs. And it’ll get us too… probably during a lip-sync battle to a remixed sea shanty.
