Adventures In Being Single

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As a proud member of the perpetually single club, I can confidently say that I have reached a level of expertise in the art of being alone. I have fine-tuned my Netflix binging skills to a science, and I can make a mean frozen pizza for one.

But recently, I’ve started to feel a sense of panic. You see, I’ve been single for so long that I’m starting to forget what to do with a boyfriend.

Just the thought of sharing my bed with another person sends shivers down my spine. Who knows what kind of wild, untamed snoring they might subject me to? And what about all the awkward morning routines? I barely have time to brush my teeth and make coffee, let alone accommodate another person’s grooming habits.

But it’s not just the practicalities that have me worried. I’ve been flying solo for so long that I’m not sure I even remember how to be a good boyfriend. Will I remember how to have meaningful conversations, or will I just stare blankly at my hypothetical boyfriend, unsure of what to say?

And let’s not even get started on the whole dating thing. I haven’t gone on a date in so long that I’m not sure I even remember how to flirt. I’ll probably just end up awkwardly offering to split the check and talking about my cat for the entire evening.

But despite all my fears, I know deep down that I can’t avoid the inevitable forever. So here’s to taking the plunge and venturing back into the dating world, even if it means relearning how to be a functional member of society. Wish me luck.

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