What Do You Do, If It’s All Just The Same… Again

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What do you do when you feel yourself slipping away again? When you see the signs that you are allowing it all to spiral out of control once more… What do you do? Or rather, what are you supposed to do this time around?

It seems that everyone always just expects you to KNOW how to behave. They expect that you know how to handle situations because you have been here before, you have stood your ground against the chaotic turmoil of your own thoughts and expressions of your viciously fuelled imaginations.

You know that you are supposed to speak up… okay and then?

You know you are supposed to see a professional, perhaps even get medication again… okay, and then?

You know that you are supposed to avoid triggering sounds, people, events, and all of that jazz… okay, and then?

And then what do you do? You’ve been here before. You know this. When you walked into the room of depression that is your own idolized VIP suite on top of a majestic mountain of self-pity you didn’t even try to hide. You high-fived the bell boy and said WhatsUp, how’re the kids, how is the family. Because you know how it goes. You have done this so many times, but often you feel like you just simply don’t know how much longer you can do it.

The depressional season of loneliness, that manic feeling inside where one moment you can climb to the highest tower and ring the bell of ”YES I CAN”. But then spiral down into the pits of despair where you simply whisper… nope. Nope. Nope. Not me. Not this time.

Society wants us to talk while giving us a backhanded slap to keep quiet. We care about you they say while they whisper that he is at it again. They want to know what is going on because it makes for great gossip when they call someone else that needs the ’treat’ of knowing that someone else is worse off than them.

What do you do? What do we do? Fuck, what do I do?

We know the signs of our own fate, the signs that we are going in the wrong direction. I guess, well i guess what I would say we do is. We watch some more cartoons. Eat some snacks. Believe that tomorrow is another day and that we simply focus on this moment right there and then.

Cry. Yes, you men too. Fuck this bullshit of men are not allowed to show emotion. Cry, bro.

Snuggle a pet or a plush animal.

Watch your favourite movie. Ironically what makes me happy is zombies and gory gruesome movies of horror. I’m weird, so for you, it might be seeing a Disney princess in all her glory… trying to get a man for some reason (Urgh).

But regardless, do you. Do what you need to do. If you need to get away. Get away.

If you need to run away, baby put on those running shoes and do not look back. Seriously… why are we so damn scared of starting over when time and time again we are placed in conflicting situations that test us but the idea of doing the exact same scenario in a new place scares the Jeebus out of us. Like what’s the worst that can happen? You end up just as miserable but you are sitting on a beach this time instead of your dingy dusty old bachelor apartment in Johannesburg CBD.

Fuck that. Fuck what people think, what they do, and most importantly what they expect from us.

Our parents want what’s best for us… no hun, they want what they were taught to do. You are most likely their pension plan one day. Your siblings? Yeah, what about them? Your friends circle.. is it really a circle or is there legit only two that you can count on? Take those two, turn it into a friendship triangle, cash in those cheques and go be just as miserable in a nicer place, in a new city and start over.

Quit that toxic job. Quite that toxic family members and embrace a new life. Look, you are already miserable. So you telling me that changing your life inside out and going wild is suddenly going to change how miserable you feel? so? what if you still feel exactly the same? Or, what if you feel like you can finally breathe again and get a new lease on life?

GO for it. You know the signs, you know that this time you might not be coming back to save yourself. You know the signs that when you went quiet and no one even noticed… that this time it was different. That peaceful feeling you felt fluttering on the inside of your stomach at the idea of it all… put that on hold.

Go break some shit first. Go break some stigmas, create an internal revolution and try one more time. One last time. One for me. Go try. If you fail, you know you will be okay with it. But if you succeed… well hun, fucking proud of you regardless as long as you gave it one more shot.

You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone or explain your thinking to anyone. People hate seeing others comfortable in their own skin. So go shine, go and be curious one more time.

Go and start your own revolution of self-discovery… one more time!


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Shaun Zietsman https://www.thesomethingguy.co.za

Blogger and Content Creator from Johannesburg, South Africa.

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1 Comment

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  1. 1
    Lynne Huysamen

    What a fantastic topic Shaun, because so many people get stuck over and over again. I had an experience this year that really shook me but it was the best thing that has happened to me in years. After 14 years in recovery from addiction and alcoholism I drank. And it hit me wtf am I doing? For the first 24 hours I beat myself up and put myself down. Then I understood what had happened. I had been staying in the same painful situation that I had been in for years, with the pain building up… expecting somehow for a miracle and that something would change. My slip forced me to take a good hard look at where I was and I knew that I had to make the changes I was too scared to make. Instead of moping around feeling sorry for myself I made those changes that I had been dreading and wow what a difference! Have you read “Fuck It – The Ultimate Spiritual Way”? by John C Parkin? I read it years ago and it was a great read. I thought of that book while I read your post.

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